People's Stories
I constantly fall back into the habit of an eating disorder. I wouldn’t eat all day, if I 'slip', I’d go straight to the bathroom and throw up. Id do the chew and spit to 'trick' myself into thinking I’m eating. Everything revolved around my weight and not eating. Its a sick thing. That was my whole day. Trying not to eat and finding ways to keep me distracted, constantly getting on the scale and feeling so depressed when the number increases. It took over my life! I’ve been better for a while. I am a little bit over weight now and plan on dieting, the healthy way. But I’m in no hurry to shed lbs. I’m just trying to learn to love my body and feel comfortable with it - Emma
It started when I was 11 and I went on to a pro ana website and I sort of got to admire all these people that had the will power to cut out food etc. It made me feel so bad after even eating one meal. So at about 12 I decided to cut out sweets, crisps, chocolate, cake, biscuits, cheese, milk etc. It was so hard but it made me feel so great when I had achieved that. I told my mum I was just trying to be healthier. I was doing this for about a month or two, when that good feeling stopped, so I decided to cut out more and more. But my Mum had noticed so she used to make me eat, but I would just purge after them. I realised I had a problem when I admitted to one of my friends this and she seemed quite worried, so I started to try and stop. I am 18 years old and in recovery from my ed. this being my senior year it wasnt what people had said it woud be "the best year of your life". i had just gotten out of a relationship with an abusive boyfriend, literaly ALL of my friends ditched me because i became to depressed for them to handle, my grandpa died, my dad got cancer, and my sister had just been hospitalized for a suicide attempt. i needed something to control. i may not be what most people call a "true" anorexic because i was only anorexic for 3 months. from the time i was 11 i have hated my body and often times tried to starve but never lasted more than a week. come december '08 i found out i had reached my highest weight ever 135lbs (i am 5'3) it started off with a healthy diet but within a week of my diet i reconected with an old friend and one of her friends. they were both anorexic. i thought this is great they can help me.. so together we starved. we'd have the funnest time together watchin ana documenteries and nibbling on letuce, comparing calories and telling eachother how good we were doing, smoking to curve the hunger. it took me about a month to start purging. and it wouldnt always be a binge just something i thought was "bad" i restricted to 200 calories and went to the gym everyday burning of 500-800 calories a day. i droped to 114lbs and though it may not be small to some people i have a medium bone structure so on me it was very skinny. from the purging the blood vesels in my eyes would pop so i had huge red blotches in my eyes that looked horifying. around 2 months after i started i got so crazy over food. i would take one day a week where i said it was me "cheat" day and i would eat anything i wanted without purging and then go back to restricting the rest of the week and purging during that week if need be. it only took 3 months untill my counselor told me if i continued this within the next week she would hospitalize me and i absolutely HATE the hospital so i started eating again. it has only been a few months now and i have gained most of the weight back i am up to 126-129 :/ i still want to lose weight. i continue to go the the gym everyday 2-3 hours a day. i no longer wear cute clothes in fear of how fat i look in them and i punish myself for every bad food i eat. i think about every morsal of food that touches my lips and ever calorie i burn off. i now burn off 700-1000 calories a day along with lifting some weights to try keaping up with the extra food intake. i was and still am obsessed with looking up and printing pictures of skinny girls or "anorexic quotes" and look up youtube videos and movies all the time about it. i wish to love my body one day but i know that day wont come soon -Belle | I used to work in a corner shop from 6pm until 10pm, this was dinner-time. Usually leaving myself to get something there, I began to buy my food as proper meals. Eventually, I started craving the snacks that surrounded me and before long I drew into binging on a ridiculous amount of chocolate and crisps. Sugary drinks didn't help, either, and I was drinking an indefatigable amount of coke. I used to do a lot of sport; I even had the privilege of going to represent the UK on occasion. It was after I fractured my back, I was unable to train and so I was still eating with my old habits, eating for an athlete. Not burning off what I was eating, I slowly grew and grew. Don't get me wrong, I'm not tall, but my weight jumped from 8~9 stone right up to 11 or 12. I'd never been fat in my life, but now I began to notice my belly hanging over my trousers at work.
Well i had an eating disorder for nearly 5 years. The reason i had one is because i had self image issues and stress and i just wanted to have control over something in my life. i was on maybe 50 kcals a day but that only came from liquids. like flavoured tea. as that had 2 kcals in it so i was keeping myself full of liquids. so i was having loads of cups of tea. i would measure milk out so i didnt go over the amount of kcals. My family knew about it but they didn't believe it was serious. It controls your life because you are so happy that you can control something that you don't want to let go. Every time i went to school and it was lunch and i didn't eat people would be like "eat" and they would ask why i wasn't eating. and i member the time i got so down, i overdosed. this was the extreme of it all. i thought i was too fat and everything and everyone got to me. my lowest weight was 7 stone and i am nearly 6ft tall. I am meant to weight about 10-11. My bmi was 13. I had to get help when i overdosed because i was in hospital i wouldn't eat so they put a tube in my nose to feed me! i didn't want that, i wanted to at least taste my food so i forced myself to eat. as an anorexic i allowed myself to have days where i would eat. i am not happy. i lost all weight again as soon as i got out of the hospital. i don't know what to do because i don't want to lose this control but at the same time i don't want to lose myself. i wish this had never happened to me -Katie |