Mind
"You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind"
-Ghandi
Speaking as someone who's been suffering from an eating disorder since she was very young, I know what it's like. Anorexia will twist your mind until it is no longer yours. I know it seems harmless, you think to yourself ‘well its not like I’m ever going to let it get that far’.But you will. Your family and friends will want to kill themselves, you will want to kil yourself. It is the worst thing in the world. If you care at all about your friends, then don’t do this. Because it will ruin them. I know what it's like to have a friend with an eating disorder, it's like.....no words can describe it. It's the worst feeling in the world, wanting to help someone you love but not being able to whatever you do. It eats you up inside. And knowing that your making people feel like that is even worse. In life we have so many opportunities, so many chances to be happy and live a happy life. We need to stop trying to reach perfection, and realise we are already perfect, just the way we are. Your life doesn't always need to be consumed by hate and your mind doesn't need to always be in pain. We need to stop wasting our lives trying to be something we will never be satisfied with. Anorexia consumed so many years of my life, and ruined so many great opportunities. I've had to live with this monster, this vicious starving demon for so long, i'm so sick of it. My mum used to shout at me for eating a block of chocolate, now she cries when I refuse to. Half of me wants to be happy and gain weight, and the sick evil half just wants to be thin. I'm not blind anymore, and i know that I was too thin. I think that true recovery is accepting that i no longer look like i want to and realize that even if i feel fat, i'm still beautiful on the inside, and eventually, on the outside too, and that I have the best friends and the chance to have one of the best lives, so it doesn't matter if i dont have the best body or the best face anymore. For me, my turning point was when my best friend attempted suicide because of an eating disorder. I suddenly realized that this thing i have, this voice in my head telling me to lose weight, this thing i thought was my conscience, it tried to kill my best friend. Suddenly i started thinking 'your convinced your fat, and so is he, but he's so thin so maybe you are to'. I wanted to help my friend recover, and to do that i needed to recover to, otherwise he would wither away and die, and it would be my fault because i couldn't ask for help, not even to save the life of someone i loved. And i'm not the kind of person who lets her best friends die that easily. If you feel like becoming anorexic, then listen carefully, you haven't ruined your life yet. Why start now? I've seen extreme cases of what this can do. It isn't pretty. Its horrifying. And the truly sick thing is that even when your ribs are jutting out of your sides and you can't even stand up without feeling sick, your mind is still saying 'lose weight, your still fat". I want to live my life without fear and pain; I want to be free I know if you are considering going down this path, then your probebly thinking 'but i'm not going to let that happen to me'. You will. Anorexia takes over your life. It's the most painful, horrible disgusting thing in the world. I've been bulimic since i was 10. I look disgusting. A lady in hospital once asked me what kind of cancer i had. This is truly horrible. And people still crave it. Don't become one of those people who alienate themselves from loved ones and slowly destroy their lives. You are beautiful. Much more beautiful than disfigured girls with gross teeth and nails and hair who can't ever take back their wasted time no matter how much they want to. Anorexia can rule and destroy your life forever if you let it. Don't let it. Stop letting this destroy you and stand up for yourself, don't let a stupid disease ruin the one life you'll ever have. Don't let it stop you from achieving your dreams. I've lost friends, spent 2 months in rehab only getting to go out like a normal person every second weekend and ruined my future because of this. But I KNOW that one day i'm going to be fine. And trust me, if stupid messed up people like me, and beautiful smart misguided people like Jen can beat this, then everyone can. It is possible to change your mind and turn your life around. And when i see the smiles of my friends, brush my long shinier healthier hair and have people tell me i look beautiful (instead of saying 'i hate you, your a stick") i realize that i've won my battle with anorexia, and it was so worth it. I still have to gain weight to be in the healthy range, but mentally i'm practically recovered. And it is the best feeling in the whole world, better then being called thin, better than throwing up, and definitely better then depriving myself of life. Life is worth living. Trust me Ally xx Ally is not a stupid messed up person =]. She has a strong heart and soul. <3 - Jen
 |
Feed The Mind My story is similar to Ally's. As a young person I was never taught to be skinny or "perfect." This disease is most of the times not about weight, but about control. It all started with a dream that was destroyed. I wanted to dance, but I was "not as skinny as the other girls." Therefore, I went into martial arts with my brother. I was teased and called names, mostly playing around, mostly by my loved ones. It really got to me because I took everything seriously. I actually ended up isolating from everyone and everything. Then one day I got really sick and ended up losing weight. The next day I decided I wasn't hungry. Control, power, haha! It wasn't even a month before I lost about 20 pounds. In less than 2 months, I went from 120 pounds to 85 pounds. Amazing huh? No! I remember when I was about 90 pounds I finally took off my sweater in public and saw myself from the reflection of the car...I wanted to run and hide and cry. I saw myself FAT. I couldn't believe how fat I had gotten (even though I was 90 pounds). Push yourself more stupid, more, you fat pig, you idiot, you're never good enough that's why nobody loves you and respects you (my mind). It was not until my old friend's parents told me I was too skinny. My friend was 92 pounds so when they said that I was shocked because I was fat and their daughter was too skinny! The next day we went to weigh ourselves...I was 5 pounds lighter. I thought I was blind because I was FAT. no more of this helpless stage, no more pain, no more self-hatred I was taken out of martial arts and put on a protein diet and really gained all the weight back. Now I got skinny and fat about 5 times a year. It really sucks because my body can't take it you know. And now I started the trend of bulimia. Eat all you want, cry, throw it up, cry, and shut up. My teeth bleed (how attractive huh), my hair falls, the skin of my hands break out of nowhere due to the acid of the throw up, my heart beats out of control, I get dizzy, and I still don't know when my period will come??? I'm a smart person, not trying to show off, but I'm one of the highest brains in my school. I know I'm better than this and I know Ally is way better than I. That's why I knew change is what I needed. Control the mind into a peaceful setting and change my life forever. It works so much that I've actually took about 10 seconds to enjoy a pencil, "Wow what a wonderful pencil, so woody and sharp, I love it." I actually said that lol, but if you train the mind, life will be amazing! Jen is an amazing beautiful girl who has accomplished so much. She is the best most strongest person in the world. I wish i was better than her :D -Ally 
|
